Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
