i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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