Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
