My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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