she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
