I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am one with the molecules
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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