I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
