Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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