you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
