OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
