I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
