so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
