Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
