Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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