It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
