he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
