I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
