I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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