Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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