i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
