I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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