ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
