jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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