how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
