I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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