i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
