My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
