the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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