I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
