Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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