This is not my ceiling
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
