Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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