Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
