google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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