I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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