its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
