Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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