It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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