): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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