someone threw a dead crab at me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
