Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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