this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
