I accidentally burped into my bong.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
