sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
