just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
