Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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