Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
