im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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