Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
And then he peed in my hair
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