i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
