Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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